Asking “why” uncovers opinions, not facts, and that’s not good. So ask the better question, a “what” question.
The Question
“Why is my dog scared of the wall next to my bed? It is only that specific side he absolutely trembles when going near, however he sleeps perfectly fine on other sides of the bed.”
The Comment on the Question
BNBR (Quora-speak for ‘being nice, being respectful’), if you ask “why” instead of fixing it so you no longer have to ask, you’re doing the wrong thing. That’s not meant to be harsh, just succinct.
- Don’t ask.
- Fix it
in two bullet points, which come from two, different moments. Or you can think of it this way:
- Don’t ask and fix it. (Doing both in a single moment.)
It’s subtle. Ask or fix—you cannot do both at the same time, so choose one and do it. It’s not fixed if you ask. Were you to fix it, you’d never need to ask.
That’s not meant to be snarky, but it can come across that way… when it’s not snarky. It’s education.
Another Problem About Asking “Why”
Here’s another problem: asking ‘why’ has two modes. Both present and mixed in at the same time. Both are difficult to unravel. The assumption is both are unimportant. Both are problematic.
- You may ask simply out of curiosity, without any drive to fix it,
- You may ask from not knowing. Or you may not know what it is that needs to be done. You might not know how to stop it from happening. Or you might not know how to fix it.
So I must ask questions first. If I don’t know your intent for asking the question, my answer might not address your intent. It’s complicated. Don’t shoot the messenger.
To Answer “Why”, I Have to See the Video
I can kind of help by suggesting that since the dog’s behavior was its communication in that moment it did its behavior, I’d need to see the video of its behavior to be able to tell you what I thought.
Often, BNBR, owners miss and dismiss a dog’s behaviors as being unimportant when they’re not. If you think you’re accurately reporting everything when you’re not, then how can I ever accurately answer!
Training Is a Rabbit Hole
It’s another rabbit hole of training. It’s complicated and it’s elusive.
From a Quora.com question, which I commented on. It’s lengthy and it’s complex. It’ll awaken our awareness and awarenesses, parts that aren’t yet awake.